What I learned from "The Four Agreements"

How this book helped me rethink my words, actions, and beliefs.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz explores how self-limiting beliefs create unnecessary suffering and hold us back from true happiness. Drawing from ancient Toltec wisdom, Ruiz presents four simple yet powerful agreements to live by:

1. Be impeccable with your word

2. Don’t take anything personally

3. Don’t make assumptions

4. Always do your best

By practicing these principles, we can break free from fear-based thinking, cultivate self-love, and experience a life of freedom, joy, and fulfillment.

Things to consider:

• Hell as a state of mind: Ruiz uses "hell" metaphorically to represent a negative mental state characterized by suffering, fear, and negativity.

  “If you look at any religious description of hell, it is the same as human society, the way we dream. Hell is a place of suffering, a place of fear, a place of war and violence, a place of judgment and no justice, a place of punishment that never ends…Others may warn us that if we don’t do what they say we should do, we will go to hell. Bad news! We are already in hell, including the people who tell us that. No human can condemn another to hell because we are already there. Others can put us into a deeper hell, true. But only if we allow this to happen.”

• “The Dream of the Planet” & “Domestication”: Ruiz describes society as a collective "dream" shaped by beliefs, rules, and fears. From a young age, we are conditioned to accept these ideas as truth, often limiting our perception of ourselves and life. Through "domestication"—a system of rewards and punishments—we learn to conform to societal expectations, gradually losing our natural freedom and authenticity.

Highlights/Lessons:

• Be impeccable with your word: My parents always taught me that words hold power. They shape our reality and the way we connect with others. Think of words as spells—they can either heal or harm. This agreement reminds us to speak with integrity, choosing love over negativity, and using our words intentionally. In a world where words are often used carelessly, this principle teaches us to speak in ways that manifest good.

• Don’t take anything personally: This is my FAVORITE agreement. It’s honestly been a game-changer. Most of the time when I recommend this book to people, it’s because I want them to understand this concept. People's words and actions are reflections of their own reality—shaped by their beliefs, experiences, and struggles. Most of the time, how others treat us isn’t about us at all. When we stop internalizing others’ opinions and actions, we free ourselves from unnecessary pain and gain the confidence to live on our own terms.

• Don’t Make Assumptions: So much confusion and conflict stem from unspoken expectations and misinterpretations. Instead of guessing, this agreement encourages open communication—ask questions, seek clarity, and express yourself honestly to avoid unnecessary drama. If you don’t express what you want, don’t expect people—especially your partner—to know, and don’t get upset when they don’t deliver as you’d hoped.

• Always Do Your Best: My second favorite. This agreement ties everything together. Your best will look different each day—it depends on your energy, mood, and circumstances. It’s not about perfection; it’s about showing up fully, giving what you can, and practicing self-compassion.

“When you honor these four agreements together, there is no way that you will live in hell. There is no way. If you are impeccable with your word, if you don’t take anything personally, if you don’t make assumptions, if you always do your best, then you are going to have a beautiful life. You are going to control your life one hundred percent.”